Things to do while walking

This is an old list written in September 2016, on my way to Mother Diary to get milk. Late afternoon Sun heating up Delhi’s streets, the tarmac trying to cool itself by letting out all the heat. Just my rubber chappals between all the heat and me. I had just woken up from an afternoon nap and was angry at the world for being there. Here it goes:

Things to do while walking down the road:

• Pretend to cut all the overhead wires by infinitely long light sabers
• Hulk stomp cars and buildings jumping 100ft in air, video game style
• Karate chop unsuspecting bystanders
• Stare straight in the general direction you’re waking in, through any and every obstacle/person, because you’ve left your the spectacles at the house again and it’s all a blur here.
• Cute girl walking over. Be cool. Act cool. Some things make their presence known even when you can’t see.
• Goddammit lady, don’t walk with your child on the side facing the road. Keep him on the other side, less vulnerable to the oncoming traffic from behind.
• Tighten your glutes while walking. Yeah. Tighten up the back. Proper stance. This feels great.
• Spot fit people. Rare species
• Estimate the number of steps you’ll take to reach your home. Allow yourself at most one revision of the estimate. Try getting as close to the estimated steps as possible by elongating or shortening your actual steps.
• Beware of pigeons on the overhead wires. They time their shits so that it sticks on people walking directly under them. Do not be their prey.
• Rap lyrics as you match your beat to your gait. Slim shady’s by your side. You’re unstoppable, incredible hulk, trapped in your medicine ball.¹